The bitching pill – you are taking it
Everybody eats it once in a while
I am not going to lie.
It’s been not a while since I have left taking that pill.
That pill about feeling good about myself, even though, on a fundamental level, it’s harming my values and ideals.
Yet, I am lucky that I am accepting my flaws and making a pledge to say goodbye to a friend who’s actually my enemy: my Ego.
It’s not easy to be honest. How can you say goodbye to something that’s been with you since childhood–something attached to your skin and bones?
Yet, I have to do it.
But what about you? How are you going to say goodbye to your friend?
Ha ha! I know you’d say you’re not taking the rainbow pill…but hey, I used to say that a lot.
What’s prolific about this pill is that it’s already running in your blood.
You’re already breathing it with your lungs.
This pill has consumed you so tightly that your day starts with it and ends with it, and you can’t even spot any difference whether you’re taking it or not.
It’s the sneaky little burglar who takes your things while you are sleeping.
I know this all sounds round, but you’re not a victim; instead, a suspect – the same sneaky little b######
How?
Let me tell you
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13 stores!? 😱 This hit me hard
A few weeks ago, I visited an exclusive laptop store that surprisingly belongs to my classmate from school.
A class I passed a decade ago.
I never had a strong bond with this person; you can say he’s more of an acquaintance. Or perhaps not even that. Whenever I see him, some not-so-good words cross my mind, “Oh no! Not him again.”
I don’t hate him, but I don’t even have any liking for him as well.
So, when I saw him this time, those words weren’t in my mind. Instead, this time, I was shocked. That’s that.
Because of the mind, soul, body, and breath, I decided to create a positive, vibrant interaction this time. Yet, fate had something else on my plate.
I alerted my brother about him, and we walked into the store.
From positive to everything went pill craving
I’m going to blame him.
When we walked into the store, he was talking over a phone call and kept doing it.
He recognized me, so I was not a regular customer for him.
We waited for him for about 15 minutes. He kept talking and mentioning how much money he had in his accounts. He was discussing an account freeze, so he must have been talking with someone from accounts.
I was being patient.
Perhaps that’s what we are supposed to do if someone we know comes to our place. We give them no attention and stay busy with our things. Is it?
Or something else was involved there?
I don’t know, but this behaviour made me and my brother even more impatient. Finally, I told my brother, “If he’s treating us like regulars, let’s be regulars.”
My brother finally told him to show us some laptops. Then, my so-called schoolmate finally moved from his seat. To be honest, he took another five minutes.
We had our formal introductions. He asked some questions, and I did the same. Interestingly, some years ago, he used to have a store near my house. So, I asked him, “You used to manage that store, and is it still yours?”
He said, “I have 13 stores in this city and 3 in another city.”
Wait what!? 13 stores! 😲🤯 This is not what I asked, man.
You’re still the same person who used to brag when we were in school — this was all in my mind.
Okay. This is getting interesting.
He started showing me laptops, but none were up to my expectations.
But he wasn’t ready to give up and did everything he could to help me find a good piece of hardware. He even borrowed a piece from another store owner, but it still didn't meet my requirements.
Overall, from his side, he did everything. It was quite a hospitality, except for the call thing, which you won’t find if you go to a local store.
Ultimately, we said our farewell and started our journey back home.
The bitching pill we finally took
During our ride back home, we said countless things about him.
I won’t put lights on those, but none were good. At that moment, we had no idea. But now I know why we did.
Also, during that ride, my brother highlighted that we were saying bad things about him, and we pledged long ago that we would not talk about others behind their backs.
The idea to write this post also ignited inside my mind during that journey. Now, I will share why people gossip, or it feels natural to be good at talking about others behind their backs.
Or you can say, why do we take the bitching pill often.
Why do we take the bitching pill—the feel-good gossip thing
There are countless reasons why one says bad things about someone behind their back.
However, every reason boils down, or you can say the root cause of every reason to gossip are two:
You’re better than me
You show me my flaws
These two are the core of every reason people gossip. If you want to expand on them, they can be divided into five segments. Let’s examine them.
1) The idea that you’re better than me doesn’t feel normal
When my schoolmate talked about his finances and the multiple stores he owns, it felt not real.
However, based on a single factor, I compared myself to him, and he felt better than me.
But I know him from school.
I know what grades he got and what ethos he preached.
So, how could he be better than me? It’s not acceptable. Hence, I brought all his wrong things and put them side by side with the good things of mine.
It was a clear sign, “YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ME.”
2) Your success shows me my flaws that I can’t accept, so I bitch yours
I don’t have those finances in my account.
I don’t operate in multiple locations. He was making me a fool of myself. He was shedding light on the areas I don’t like–things that stopped me from getting the success I needed.
It’s hard to see my flaws under his glimmering shadow of success.
Or perhaps I don’t want to see my bad spots. Or I don’t like the color of my skin.
Hence, I’m either blaming the light or trying to break the glass covering the bulb.
3) It’s hard to say good things about you
If you ever noticed yourself saying good things about someone and found it difficult, the underlying factor can be identified from the above two points.
If you’re saying good about someone, it means they are better than you at some things. But nobody can be better than you because it doesn’t feel normal if they are in your circle. Because people who are in your circle feel normal.
And if they aren’t, it simply means you’re jealous of them, which simply means they are better than you and successful, too.
If someone is good at something and you’re not, it means they are successful at that thing. If someone is successful and you’re not, it means their success highlights your failures and flaws, which doesn’t feel good.
So, why bother saying good things when bad things can help you cover your flaws and jealousy?
4) So people don’t value the other person (the hate pill)
When we have a hatred towards others for any reason, whether they have done wrong to us or said something bad about us. We never want that person to get spotlights.
So, if someone is talking good about that person in a group we are part of, we tend to say bad things about that person. We try to make people understand the fact that the person they are talking good is actually not, while we keep the details hidden.
We don’t want our personal matters with that person to go in public, but we do prefer that people should not value that person because, in our eyes, that person has no value.
5) Hierarchy
Sometimes, we take the bitching pill because of the history.
The history our ancestors told us about that person or their lineage.
For instance, your father had grudges with someone, so he used the fourth point in front of you. And because he’s your father, you are supposed to believe him.
The bitching pill seed is already planted in your mind in your childhood or whenever the occasion comes.
With time, some people understand that it wasn’t like how their ancestors shared with them. But mostly, take the bitching pill and continue to take it till their time comes. And the same they do with their predecessors.
They hand over the advanced version of the bitching pill to them.
How to stop or stop slowly?
Not talking about others behind their backs isn’t an easy task. It’s hired wired in us.
We feel good gossip; it gives us the dopamine that’s not found in the movies or T.V. shows.
But it’s not good. It causes us to self-harm in the same way smoking or alcohol does.
It’s tasty fast food that feels good in the mouth but does no good for our health. Instead, it creates more problems in the future.
So, how do we stop talking about others?
Well, just like other bad habits, gossiping is also a habit, and habits can only be replaced by other habits.
And in the case of bitching, you need to start stitching your mouth by first pledging yourself not to talk about people in any way. Don’t talk good, don’t talk bad. Don’t talk good if they are not part of the conversation.
Don’t talk bad, anything at all.
Once you make this commitment. You’re going to break it. You’re going to fall into that interesting game of talking bad about people. However, after the commitment, you have sent a signal to your brain about how to function when you do so.
It will make you aware that you’re doing it again; in that moment, you must listen to it.
If you won’t, you’ll never stop.
But if you do, then you have to create a habit.
For instance, keep a small journal. And whenever your mind signals you, write your thoughts.
Or you can keep a book with yourself.
Or according to the environment, you can listen to music if possible.
You can find other ways to help you overcome this bad habit, which is not good at all.
I hope this substack helped you gain some useful insights into why we gossip or talk behind people’s backs. What I have written is an honest account, and if you have any views on it, please share them.
I won’t mind.
Mind, Soul, Body, and the Breath is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.